Parents today.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
We live in a condominium. Despite sharing a piece of 3 acre land with 300 over residence, I hardly socialise with the aunties at the lift lobby. Every morning and evening most of the aunties and their children / grandchildren will congregate and loiter at the lobby to fish for the latest piece of gossip. The main reason I refrain from the pack stems from the fact that I am not fluent in Cantonese and I am very self conscious of my handicap. The more I talk the more likely I will end up being served as tonight's special for their gossip session.
There are many new parents in Block C, the block where I live in. Mothers are a competitive lot when it comes to their children at this condo, in particular this "Kia su" aunty staying on the 5th floor. When Jesse and I first met her at the lobby, her son was 3 months old and Jesse was about a year older than the baby. We exchanged our usual hellos. I remembered our very first conversation. She asked what milk powder Jesse was taking, I told her that Jesse takes Mamil Gold. She proudly offered me a piece of unsolicited information, that her boy was taking a higher grade of imported milk formula, Enfalac A+. Apparently babies who drink Enfalac A+ will turn out to be larger, healthier geniuses, unlike our puny and daft little kid whose dead beat parents could only afford to get him Dumex. Parents like us were frown upon by the likes of herself.
My next conversation with this kia su aunty was when her genius in the making son was close to 9 months old. To my surprise he was much larger than Jesse in size and height. She asked how old Jesse was, and was delighted to learn that her son was growing faster than our vertically and horizontally challenged boy.
Our son is a late bloomer. He walked and talked later than most kids at our condo. Parents often blew their trumpets loud and clear, telling us what their boy or girl could say or do, but Jesse's parents could only reply "our boy cannot talk yet". Some kids could do their spelling bee by the age of 2 and the proud parents demonstrated their kid's spelling prowess and skills to our confused little Jesse and his embarrassed parents. What Jesse could do, other parents, in their competitive spirits proudly claim "mine also can" PLUS additional stunts which often left us flabbergasted.
I thank God for good parenting books and pediatrician who dispenses sound advise to anxious parents like us, constantly assuring us that our son is developing normally. Whilst we were a little worried at our son's progress, we didn't want to put undue pressure on the poor child to perform like a circus clown to each and every parent we meet.
We have learnt not to be too competitive or "kia su", there are so many more things which are important to a child's development besides education. Jesse will learn how to catch butterflies, fly a kite, ride a bicycle, climb grandma's rambutan tree and most of all enjoy his childhood while he is able to before his parents succumb to the surmounting pressures of today's society.
15 comments:
January 24, 2007 at 9:40 AMI hear you, girl!
According to my parents I only started speaking gibberish after 2 years old, and I only started going for tuition class when I was 10.
I still ended up valedictorian at uni. So let Jesse have the time of his life! :)
talk to them more will only make you join their "3 aunties 6 grandmother" ranks earlier :P
even if u were kiasu...it wud just frustrate u more..coz kids got to learn at their own pace. soooo..
So many times us parents miss the forest..only looking at the trees.
My kids drink Dumex too but not the Gold whatever variety, just the ordinary ones. Hehe.
I hate people comparing my baby too. At least if they are comparing against their own baby, i can understand their pride. But sometimes i kena compared against their neighbour's / colleague/ grandauntie friend's one la....geram only!
My son use take the Enfalac variety too. But I don't see the difference.
He's same like your boy, maybe mine's worst... till know at the age of 5, still talks gibberish. At least now, he has shown signs of willingness to try using proper sentences, however limited. It's still a start.
Just don't give up or try to push them. Every child is special and every child grows at their own pace. They need our support not command.
you should remind her that latest research shows that bigger sized infant/kids have a higher risk of heart disease and a host of other health. as another mommy pointed out, these designer milk have higher sugar content. i just buy whatever's on sale :p
cool blog!
You are right on this! We shouldn't compare our kids. Just let them grow individually. But one really can't help it with the competitiveness. I was also a victim of competition and I loathe it.
aw...
that's right. don't bother with those aunties. i saw a baby this week with Down's syndrome. At the age of 2 years, he still cannot crawl or feed himself yet.
every child develops at his/her own rate. as long as its within normality, that's good enough. who cares if he doesn't grow up as fast? in the end he'll get there. probably appreciating lower ground scenery for longer will do some good. XD
I read your post with interest and I believe that it's kiasu ppl like these that are so anxious for their kids to be "Sooooooooo clever" that all of us have to keep up with the jones and smiths and the wongs and Chongs and the Alis and Abus and the Rajas and Rajoos. I tell you. you wait until they start going to school and you have to sit with them while they do their piles and piles and tonnes and tonnes of homework, which I know is for their own good. However, in pre-school, they should have fun: F-U-N! My kids thought school would be like Barney's or something; and they come back hating homework and school! So nice to lepas geram on kiasu ppl who brought this upon us. Thanks for mentioning kiasu ppl.:)
Thanks Ryan, wah valedictorian at uni...btw what milk powder did you take :)
That is why I refuse to join them egghead. But James would probably have loved for me to dig out the latest gossips about our neighbours.
Oh wise woman with great insights, miss the forest by looking at the trees. Will never forget that Mott.
Dumex is good, I grew up on Dumex as well, MG
I can understand how you feel Shooi. Now I try not to ask about other kid's development. The less I know the better..ignorance is bliss :)
Thanks 1xmummy for your sound advise. Yes I will definately let Jesse take his time to grow
Another wise woman, Mrs B. If kiasu aunty still doesn't change her ways I will release that information to stirr the hornets nest :)
Gina, remember Lok Lok, he used to be quiet, look at him now.
Haha, true Ms Tan. I like the part on appreciating lower ground scenery. If he turns out to be a smartass in the future, I'll remind him of his slower days.
Glad to be able to help jujuqtpie. Kindi should be a fun place and Jesse is enjoying kindi now but I am not sure about later when he starts to have homework :(
me also kanak kanak dumex :D .. aiya mae doesnt matter if jesse doesnt say mch now.... coz its okie wan... he's jst being observant :D , my parents had a problem trying to stop me from talking :-s , and over the years the gave up
heheh damn sien kiasu parents... remember, your children are not a chance for you to redeem your past failures... or something like that...
Thanks wildflower, we sama sama gang Dumex
Thanks for the reminder, Suanie. To make it up to Jesse, I just let him watch Barney again. As much as I hate it, it's his bestest friend, sigh.
my mom gave me the bestest advice... dun compare and the child will do wat he shld do when he is ready
